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Well all the dieting paid off!
I lost 6lb this week & im still going strong :)

Got a gig 2moz at scallywags  @ fantasy island
so i'm just at Pauls staying the night.
He's brought some new led par cans for our show so hes programming all those in it takes forever!!

I havent told you about Paul yet.
Well hes my ex boyfriend & the guy i sing with.
I left him  regret it now i still love him loads
but i think ive blown it now. He says he doesnt want a girlfriend :(
And yes it can be hard working with an ex infact its veryy hard because i still have feelings for him!

Anyway im sat on settee with Paul dog Coco watching the Bill then lost in austen
then desprate housewives i cant wait!!!!

Oh i made some more cookies today smartie ones they looked fab!!!
Well last nights gig was something else lol
it was at a place called the Barn (in birmingham)
They have a cabaret room which is where we were but it's also a resturant!

Now i haven't mentioned my crazy diet to you guys yet so let me enlighten you.
Im on a diet called the cambridge diet,
now this consists of 3 shakes a day plus 2 litres of water
and NOTHING else
Yes thats right NO FOOD!
It costs £35- £40 a week for the shakes
But on the bright side you do lose a stone could be abit more could be abit less
in a month!

Now you must be thinking are you not starving
the answer is no i'm not because,
the 1st  3 days you go on the diet you are starving & its just a nightmare
& because you arn't giving you body no food its eats away at the carbohydrates thats still there. As soon as they have gone your'e body starts using unwanted fat & thats what makes you lose the weight quickly!

So yes for 3 days its hard but after the 3rd day your'e body goes into ketosis which is starvation mode in normal terms.
And no it doesn't make you ill because your getting all the vitamins & nutrients you need in the shakes or bars.

There now you know about that, i'll carry on.
So yes im on this diet & people are eating around me it smelt sooo good!!
But the compere was abit creepy, the sound technician was nice he even helped us take our bit of gear in.
Because this venue is a no gear venue!! It's great!!

Anyway it was bit strange but we went down well & they want us back.

And yesterday i made Yorkshire puddings from scratch they were great obv i couldn't eat them but they rose & everything!
So i had a go at making muffins but they didnt rise soo i'm guna have another go today.

I'm gigging at Ashby near scunthorpe 2nyt!
My little sister has gone 2 south of France with her bf & i haven't heard frm her yet so i'm getting abiit worried
And i'm not happy that Forest lost 5-1 :( boooo
Right so last night me & Paul went to Mansfield to watch a duo
that apprently everyone raves about!
And i must say they both have great voices & their banter is great,
they really know how to take the piss out of people lol
But their song choice wasn't good
& i think that was their downfall.

So after watching their first half, we decided to go & watch another duo
our friends Brotherhood.
They were at Kirkby in Ashfield & as usual they had the place rocking!
What more can i say?

I didnt get back to my house till half 12 i had to pick my sister up then drive home.
Yes i passed my driving test 9 days ago & I love driving lol
No getting buses or asking for lifts it's great!!

Sooo it was nice to have a friday night off, but that only means back to work tonight!

Our gigs at Birmingham tonight & we've never been to this venue before,
The up side of it is we only have to do an hour!!

Soo might be an early night for me yay!!!!



This is all new to me but i wanted to be able to talk somewhere 
otherwise i might find myself going insane.
Am i not already insane talking to myself via the internet?

Who cares? LOL

Well i should at least tell you the reason for me joining up.
I'm 21 years old & in febuary i lost my mum to a sudden death. 
I was so close to her & the people who know me will know that. 
And i can't explain to you what it feels like to have the most important person in your'e life be taken away from you.

I also can't imagine what my dad must be going through. To lose the love of his life, his wife of 23 years!

I have 3 younger sisters too aged 17, 18 & 20.
When 'it' happened i felt i had a duty to look after everyone & i kind of took everything on the chin,
I did't let my defence down & i wouldn't get upset for risk of upsetting anyone else.
If my little sister seen me break down she would be no how.
She turned to me for comfort & support.
And now her mums gone i'm the next best thing.
I kept myself busy by still gigging i had 1 weekend off & that was only because Paul wouldn't let me gig!
But it turns out i was doing the right thing because dad was no how & he didnt go to work.
So i was now the source of income aswell as the new head of house.
Because thats what mum was she was the head of the house. She kept everything running. 
Dad was the one who went out to work earned the money & mum paid all the bills & looked after everyone & everything else.

I think the more i gigged & was busy i wasn't facing reality & thats how i wanted to keep it.
And thats how i have been keeping it up until now.
I can feel myself breaking. Like when i'm on stage & singing a certain song sometimes i get chocked up. I'm trying to stay strong but theres only so much one can take.

I wanted somewhere i could come & talk i can't talk to anyone in this house because it's all still raw.
 And everyone thinks im ok so i don't want them to start worrying about me.

I just want somewhere i can talk talk & talk so i don't bottle things up.

So from this day forward may this page help me through the tough times ahead!