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This is all new to me but i wanted to be able to talk somewhere 
otherwise i might find myself going insane.
Am i not already insane talking to myself via the internet?

Who cares? LOL

Well i should at least tell you the reason for me joining up.
I'm 21 years old & in febuary i lost my mum to a sudden death. 
I was so close to her & the people who know me will know that. 
And i can't explain to you what it feels like to have the most important person in your'e life be taken away from you.

I also can't imagine what my dad must be going through. To lose the love of his life, his wife of 23 years!

I have 3 younger sisters too aged 17, 18 & 20.
When 'it' happened i felt i had a duty to look after everyone & i kind of took everything on the chin,
I did't let my defence down & i wouldn't get upset for risk of upsetting anyone else.
If my little sister seen me break down she would be no how.
She turned to me for comfort & support.
And now her mums gone i'm the next best thing.
I kept myself busy by still gigging i had 1 weekend off & that was only because Paul wouldn't let me gig!
But it turns out i was doing the right thing because dad was no how & he didnt go to work.
So i was now the source of income aswell as the new head of house.
Because thats what mum was she was the head of the house. She kept everything running. 
Dad was the one who went out to work earned the money & mum paid all the bills & looked after everyone & everything else.

I think the more i gigged & was busy i wasn't facing reality & thats how i wanted to keep it.
And thats how i have been keeping it up until now.
I can feel myself breaking. Like when i'm on stage & singing a certain song sometimes i get chocked up. I'm trying to stay strong but theres only so much one can take.

I wanted somewhere i could come & talk i can't talk to anyone in this house because it's all still raw.
 And everyone thinks im ok so i don't want them to start worrying about me.

I just want somewhere i can talk talk & talk so i don't bottle things up.

So from this day forward may this page help me through the tough times ahead!

man that is sad, I'm so sorry about your mum. I can't imagine losing my mum, its insane to think about. I really am sorry.

I added you x
Your'e right it is crazy. It still hasn't hit me yet, but to be honest i try not to think about it but some day ive got to face whats happened has happened! :(
hey, i have also lost someone i loved a few years ago, he was my best friend and soul mate...so i can vaguely feel what you are going through.

i'll add you as a friend :)
Thankyou. Yes & it doesn't get easier does it, i'm starting to find things hardre & it's only been 6 months im trying my best to soldier on x
its hard going for the first year or so, i dont know about you, but i found myself re-capping what happened and saying to myself 'if i had done that...or if i have said that he would still be here with me today' then i start hating myself...but as time went on those angry tear just started turning into sad tears which i found were easier to control. Time does heal most of the pain but there is still always going to be that side where it still hurts, it just gets easier to deal with thats all. i found keeping myself busy was the best cure and trying to not think too much until the shock was over
Yes your right i guess you do just learn it cope with it. My mum did used to say to me that time's a healer. I hope she is right.

Can i just say to all you guys thankyou for your'e kind words it means alot xx
Hi. I don't know what you must be going through, as I'm one of the extremely lucky people who still have both parents. I'm 31 now and dread the day when I lose one of them.

Just to introduce myself a bit, I'm a musician too (well, a drummer - cue the jokes about us not being real musicians) and find music helps me get through a lot of things, be it playing or just listening.

Anyhow, I've added you if that's ok? Feel free to add me back. Good luck, stay strong.
phhtt you're not a real musician
Thankyou matt & your'e right music has helped me a great deal getting through this nightmare of a time i am goin through. Ive kept myself sooo busy with gigging its unbelieveable & now i am starting to get exausted. Like i say theres only so much one person can take x
so sorry to hear about your mum, its the worst loosing someone you're close to.
Welcome to LJ however, its a great place to get things off your chest :) x
Thankyou Chick x
so sorry to hear about your mum, I've added you, I also live in Notts. xx
Cool, where in Notts? x
Hyson Green, Right by Asda. WBU?
Clifton xx
cool I go to uni at clifton campus. I've only been in Notts for 9ish months still finding my way around
Cool what you studying at uni? Aw you'l get used to Nottm, & find ur way round in no time x
PGCE Physics *gulp*

I hope so, it's difficult cos I don't really have any friends in Notts so I spend most of my free time down south.

I like the city it's beautiful and I love Rock city just finding it hard to make friends cos I'm super shy. =/